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Dr. Marshall Rosenberg is known as the originator of Nonviolent Communication Theory and Techniques. Yesterday was the 1-year anniversary of his death. Starting life as a minority Jewish child in a rough Detroit neighborhood, he witnessed the effects of interpersonal violence on a regular basis. He founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication in 1984 after receiving his doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Wisconsin in 1961, where he studied with Dr. Carl Rogers.
He developed the NVC approach for federally-funded school integration projects in the 1960s, and went on to train thousands of people in over 60 countries, helping establish peace initiatives in war-ravaged areas which included Rwanda, Burundi, Malaysia, Sierra Leone, the Middle East, and Serbia. I was privileged to attend a workshop this past weekend which introduced some of the basic tenets and techniques used by NVC to promote understanding of the self and others. One practice--Self-Empathy--seemed particularly effective in helping participants process disturbing experiences and emotions. Today, two clients agreed to try this simple, but powerful protocol in their counseling sessions. Despite my fledgling experience with the technique, these two willing and helpful volunteers reported finding the experience beneficial. I hope to continue training in this approach, and in the meantime, am excited to continue offering the "Self-Empathy" process as an experiment to any clients who are interested. A link for more information about NVC and Dr. Rosenberg: I've been consumed for about a week with travel lust. I'm feeling the wind and am rendered dumb by the scent of the Adriatic Sea as I cruise along the Croatian coast, headed for Dubrovnik. I see cliffs against blue sky and turquoise ocean, dotted with islands. Only in my mind of course. Also in my mind, life has new meaning and I grow younger each day, with plenty of schemes for stretching a pitifully limited budget to cover a year living in Eastern Europe. I could teach English, I could mop floors, the list goes on more, but mostly less, realistically.
The mood-boost of this kind of thinking lasts only so long as I don't think about being sick in a campsite in Beograd or the eventual return to the States with empty pockets and broken employment bridges. How can one preserve the joy that comes with dreaming and scheming, without having to follow through with an ultimately self-damaging plan? What is the method for mood that corresponds to canning tomatoes? Of course nothing CAN beat an August tomato eaten warm off the vine; but Mom's home canned ones tasted unaccountably great in January. So, this is a call for personal experience and ideas that relate to the wise use and stewardship of our human habit of fantasy ideation and escapist dreaming. What role do you think it plays in our lives? Happy Spring (in Ljubljana), Celia I'm happy to say that the relatively new option for digitally recording therapy sessions is receiving a positive response from clients. From the therapist's point of view, it is very useful in the process of understanding clients more thoroughly, and orienting to their needs and solutions more readily. What is the saying about the unexamined life not being worth living? I might add that the unexamined therapy process is less potent. Clients report being able to see themselves more realistically AND more compassionately. That's a powerful combination not easily wrought. It's helpful for couples to see the dance of their relationship more clearly, and it seems to offer them increased motivation to believe in their abilities to change. Individuals can assume the role of observer, which is key to emotional self-soothing and regulation. Where we might have spent a number of sessions attempting to help them notice their experience from a non-judgmental standpoint, one viewing of their video seems to move them into that position effortlessly. This is the reverse of what might be expected. Most people forget about the unobtrusive camera in a few moments, and I am not hearing the anticipated "I hate watching myself on video" once the viewing is underway. I highly recommend this option to all who are interested.
This is the first poem I collected that reminded me of the experience of coming out of depression. It appeared in THE RAG AND BONE SHOP OF THE HEART by Robert Bly. It is by Antonio Machado and translated by Bly. It demonstrates wonderfully the constructionist mindset:
LAST NIGHT Last night, as I was sleeping, I dreamt---marvelous error!--- that a spring was breaking out in my heart. I said: Along which secret aqueduct, Oh water, are you coming to me, water of a new life that I have never drunk? Last night, as I was sleeping, I dreamt---marvelous error!--- that I had a beehive here inside my heart. And the golden bees were making white combs and sweet honey from my old failures. Last night, as I was sleeping, I dreamt---marvelous error!--- that a fiery sun was giving light inside my heart. It was fiery because I felt warmth as from a hearth, and sun because it gave light and brought tears to my eyes. Last night, as I slept, I dreamt---marvelous error!--- that it was God I had here inside my heart. Antonio Machado (trans. R. Bly) A possible therapy homework task would be, to be on the alert for bees beginning their work in your person. Which is not a bad idea for any of us to do. It seems to me that the felt sensation of getting over some hurt or problem can be as tangible as a sneeze, but very hard to put into words. But sometimes, having words first, can remind the body what " getting over it" feels like, so the felt sense can start manifesting itself. I started collecting poems that communicate the feeling of feeling better, at a time when feeling better was a small miracle to me. This poem was not the first of the collection, but it is the one on the top of the pile on my desk today; and is a fine example. I hope it speaks to your felt sense of healing.....today.
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver from DREAM WORK You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting---- over and over announcing your place in the family of things. Happy Spring, Celia Are people really having as much fun blogging as they seem to be? Let's find out. With the help of my faithful cyber-techie I'll share links, tips, ideas and observations on the process of seeking health and wisdom. Such a big deal, this seeking of happiness and recovery. It seems to take a lifetime, and involve everything we do. Therapy can be a major factor in achieving well-being or it can be one tiny element. This blog is intended to explore the larger field of personal peace-seeking. Please feel free to comment with thoughtfulness and curiosity.
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